Is Your Self-talk Toxic or Strategic?
Our inner monologues never seem to take a break. We have a running commentary on our existence, 24/7. I don’t know what the current statistics are, but the percentage of negative or disparaging thoughts that any one of us might have in a short period of time can be shockingly high. We’d never tolerate someone else speaking to us the way we talk to ourselves
The fix for this is two-part. The first is to catch yourself having the negative thought in the moment you’re having it. This can be tricky if you’re so used to having toxic thoughts that you no longer notice when you’re having them. You can’t adjust what you can’t perceive, so tuning into your thoughts is the only way you’ll be able to do that.
Find Your Mantra
Once you do realize that you’re focusing on upsetting outcomes, interrupt the thought at once and pop in its opposite. Tell yourself what you want to do (which is an action) instead of thinking about what you want to avoid (the less dynamic reaction.) Here some suggestions for you:
- Soaring arrow…
- Fly high, land soft!
- Grace and gratitude are mine.
- I am sleek, smart and strong.
- No limits…I am unstoppable.
- Blast it out of the park!
Now, you might have snickered in the past at those motivational business posters, like the one with the mountain climber triumphantly conquering the summit with the words “Reach your peak!” But really, which is better? Saying to yourself, “I’m going to blow it,” or latching onto more inspirational thoughts?
These short bursts of moral self-support and healthy psychic re-alignment are called mantras, self-cues, slogans, or my favorite, shibboleths. Always use them in the present tense: “I am” instead of “One day I will be….” This makes their energy immediate and real rather than postponing their potency for some later time.
The psychology of using self-talk solely for a positive outcome is smart and useful for keeping a productive frame of mind. The brain doesn’t know or care which path we take, positive or negative. It’s an equal-opportunity conveyor of thoughts. As Hamlet knows, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
As long as we have a choice in the matter of how to think (and if we don’t control our thoughts, who does?), we should always choose in favor of ourselves.