Helping Create Success
Networking Turn-Offs
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“Networking is an essential part of building wealth.” Armstrong Williams
BC (before Covid) I used to attend a fair number of networking events. There were fabulous breakfasts at Morgan Stanley (thank you Sarah Beane Ricca CFP®, CDFA®, lunches, dinners, cocktail parties, boat trips etc. I learned a lot about networking, and how to be strategic with the events and connections I made. I also observed a few obvious errors in etiquette. Are you committing any of them?
1.Rattling on and on is the number one offending behavior. This isn’t the place for giving your elevator pitch, yet that’s exactly what several people were doing. Or else they were launching into long stories and monologues, never coming up for air. Trying to sell someone something during your first conversation is like planning your wedding during a first date. Don’t do it, and don’t let others do it to you. The fix: listen more than you talk, ask questions and be present.
2.Scanning the room while having a conversation with someone is just plain rude. And apparently it happens to the best of us-this from Richard Branson, of all people: “I sometimes come across people in business, especially if they have been fortunate enough to have some success, that are very fond of their own voices. After saying their piece, they visibly switch off from what others are saying, offering a perfunctory nod or fiddling with their phone, rather than making eye contact and really engaging. Conversely, the most successful entrepreneurs I know all have excellent listening skills in common.”
3.Making little or no effort to engage in conversation, which is the opposite of number 1. If you find yourself getting nowhere fast with someone, move on. If someone isn’t willing or able to meet you half-way in small talk, you don’t want to be doing business with them anyway. And don’t feel that you have to come up with an excuse for breaking away; simply say “Good to meet you.”
When the time comes (and it will) to return to live events, things will have changed and we’ll need to adjust. My best guess: we’ll need to dust off our business cards, wear what are called “power colors” in order to stand out visually, and pick up the phone to follow up. If your event has a speaker, always ask a question or two- again it allows you to stand out, and be heard.
Answering that loaded question: “What do you do?”
Depending on where you live, asking someone you’ve just met ‘what they do’ can be taken a few different ways. Here in NYC, it’s perfectly acceptable but in Pittsburgh or Atlanta, you’d want to work your way through other topics first.
Last week I went to a sparkly reception, and since it was New York, that was the first thing everyone wanted to know. I noticed a number of people answering with “Well, I do _______, but I also do _____.” You can plug in any job or profession; what they were unwittingly saying was “I’m trying to succeed with a business I care about but in the meantime I pay my bills doing something else.”
If you should find yourself in a similar position, talk about what you love, and find out what the others love. It’s more interesting and more compelling conversation. You’ll be remembered for who you really are, and not what your business card says you are.
My mentor, Alan Sklar, always says: “People like to do business with people!”
When It’s Me-Me-Me-Me, I Say Meh.
oh, it’s time for a short break from the networking circuit. It’s been an intense 2 month affair with hopping from event to event; I’ve been to breakfasts, day-long seminars, evening meetings, dinners, and workshops. I’ve introduced myself to large groups of people I don’t know at least 17 times, and listened to hundreds of other introductions, none of which I remember. Twice I paid $15 for a single glass of wine.
After close observation, I can tell you that I see a few “types” who turn up consistently, some of whom I adore and others who are nothing but energy drains. The latter are the ones to be wary of. This is how they play the networking game: they talk only about themselves. At great length and in elaborate detail, they will talk your ears off if you let them. Sufficiently successful in their business, they feel no need to even pretend to take an interest in yours. They are shameless showoffs, and I’ve seen more than a few who are clearly over-rehearsed in telling their “stories.” As a communications coach, I find it embarrassing, boring & mildly infuriating.
My advice to anyone who unwittingly finds themselves in the position of “audience” to these types is to interrupt politely (they won’t be coming up for air) and walk away. I’ve made the mistake of thinking that I could engage this type in genuine conversation, but they’re not interested. They’re playing a different game, and it’s not one that I respect.