Helping Create Success
For the Ladies: Stop Apologizing, Please
The other day, I decided to count the number of times I heard women apologizing in public, because I was hearing a pattern in the way women, in general, communicate. (disclaimer: here in NYC, though I suspect it’s ubiquitous)
Clearly, I already suspected that the count would be high, but I was stunned as the number rose so quickly.
The short bus ride into the city racked up eight “I’m sorry’s” in under five minutes.
“I’m sorry, is this the last stop?” “Sorry to bother you, can I sit here?” and then just plain “sorry” for handing the driver a $20. (By the way, it’s their job to make change.) The best was when the bus lurched, and I accidentally stepped on the woman behind me, and she apologized to me.
My next stop was a meeting of an all-female entrepreneurs group. Oh, the apologies were whistling around the conference room…prefacing questions with “I’m sorry” or coming in late and apologizing, getting up to leave and apologizing.
This has got to stop. Women do it far more often than men, and I just can’t see the point of it. It’s a reflex, said without literally meaning in, but conveying apology and regret just the same. For what? What are we really saying here? It might be construed as apologizing for merely existing, and is that really the message we want to send out to the world?
I think not. Save the words for when you truly mean them, and not as a disclaimer for opening your mouth in public. Our words have consequences, with the power to shape the future, so stop apologizing and start thinking about what you really want to say. It will change who you are, and strengthen your self-confidence.
John’s Salt: Why Men Will Cheerfully Take Credit For Just About Everything.
Whenever I’m working with women on the subject of owning their skills and contributions in business, they tend to go a little soft and wispy. It doesn’t seem lady-like to speak openly and confidently about yourself.
And therein lies the rub: men do it all the time. Even if they’ve played a small part in a successful project, many are not shy about claiming ownership. It seems to be how we’re wired but I think a little tweaking is needed.
When I recently decided to learn how to make salt, I did some research on the internet. I picked a beach in Truro, on Cape Cod and asked my husband to help with the project. He carried the water jug.
After we collected it, I decided that little salt sachets would be a fine gift for my foodie friends and so I needed a name for my salt. I tried out “Corn Hill Salt,” “Cape Cod Salt,” “Bay Water Salt,” “Truro Salt.” And then my fetching husband came up with “John’s Salt.”
I looked at him and he was quite sincere…no ironic smile or anything, just sayin’ … “John’s Salt.” He just carried the jug. I found this hilarious.
So ladies, I want you to think about this. Everything is relative. If you have a hand in a project, own it. Especially if it goes well and you helped with that. Otherwise, we aren’t worth our salt!