How what you wear speaks volumes
M
any years ago, I worked with a financial analyst in the energy sector. She was to deliver a presentation to four separate audiences in LA, and the topic was “Why I Never Bought Enron.” The people she would be addressing were shareholders and board members.
We had a slam-dunk report for them but she was uneasy. These were all Ivy-league types and she was the daughter of a detective, from Queens. She felt the difference, keenly.
So I suggested we style her as one of them: pearls, sweater set, black headband etc. I told her it would help her feel more at ease and it did the trick.
She was relaxed, thoroughly prepared and able to stay in the moment. She got spontaneous applause at 3 of the 4 meetings.
What you wear when you’re presenting matters quite a bit. Before you can open your mouth, your appearance is sending out messages. Make sure that you know what those messages are saying.
You don’t get rid of fright, You manage it!
Recently my colleague Tina Larsson asked how to get rid of stage fright. My answer is you don’t get rid of it, but you learn how to manage it. Here are some tips for wrangling that energy to your benefit:
- Be prepared. That’s going to do the most for your confidence. Knowing how to prepare is something I find most people are fuzzy on, so I’ll delve into that another day.
- Limit your caffeine and sugar intake on the day you present, so you don’t get an adrenaline spike mixing with a sugar spike.
- Visualize yourself delivering your message: strong, confident & having fun.
- Have a mantra at hand (in mind), to inspire you to a better performance.
- Drink plenty of water, which is the speaker’s drink of choice. Not carbonated or cold water though, cold chills your voice cords which can send your pitch up.
Managing Stage Fright
Plenty of people, myself included, have experienced fear before getting in front of an audience.
“You manage your emotions or your emotions will manage you.” John Wooden.
“You manage your stage fright, or your stage fright will manage you.” Katie Karlovitz.
It’s normal and it’s also manageable. The first thing is to accept and expect that you’re going to have some respiratory changes- quickening heart rate, dry mouth, slight shaking etc. Here’s what you do:
- Get your breath under control with deep breaths from the diaphragm; once that’s under control the rest of your body will start to settle down and relax.
- Sip room temp water to stay hydrated; ice water only makes your vocal chords constrict and makes your pitch go up.
- Limit your caffeine so it’s not mixing in with your adrenaline and causing energy spikes.
- I’ve experimented with Bach Rescue Remedies, herbal teas and also visualizations.
- DO NOT drink alcohol or take sedatives to blunt the nerves as they will affect your motor control and send the wrong message.
There’s nothing worse than the terror of being in front of an audience and feeling helpless and out of control. Stress tests have clinically shown that the fear of going on stage equals the fear of going into battle, which explains the “fight or flight” response that so often kicks in before giving a speech. It’s time to confront this head on, because too many good people are being silent when they should be speaking up.
“You’re not really drunk until you are speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne”
OK
, a quick shout out to all the people who have asked me if it’s OK to have a drink to calm down before giving a speech: the answer is NO.
The reason: you want your mind alert and in the flow. A drink will impede this and muddy your message.
Instead, experiment with organic methods which reduce and limit feelings of anxiety.
1) Chamomile tea, or any herbals meant for relaxing.
2) Bach Rescue Remedy- they have tinctures that work for various types of energy issues.
3) Relaxation/visualization exercise of yourself, standing in front of your audience, and speaking to them in a calm, commanding tone.
Drinking is never a good way to prepare for speaking in public. Your speech, your reflexes and your mental acuity all get involved. Think about how you want your audience to see you.
Let them see you shining your light, in all its undiminished strength and glory…then you can have that celebratory drink!
Five Confidence Killers
Lately I’ve been running workshops, interviewing people, giving quizzes, and lecturing on public speaking, which is not new. What is new is the nearly unanimous desire people are expressing for feeling more confident being themselves in public.
Contrast that with the ubiquitous presence of cameras in our lives, and I can see why so many people feel the need for some reassurance that what they have to say matters, and is worthy of attention and respect. We’re being judged left, right and center on social media and judging others in return.
Boomers, GenXers & Millennials—we’re all up against it here, with some of us faring better than others. Here are some tips for what NOT to do:
1. Comparing yourself to other people- oh, this is ever so easy to fall into, and is an utter waste of time and energy. No one else can be you, but you, so make the most of it. If you’re not yet sure who you are, start exploring on your own.
2. Believing your own PR- again, way too easy to do, and harmful to who you believe yourself to be. If you are living and dying by the numbers (of likes, clicks, open rates, stars etc.) then you are worshiping a false god. The numbers don’t add up to self-esteem.
3. Poor styling choices- how you look and sound to others matters to them, even if it might not to you. You’re judged on your appearance, and giving scant attention to it can leave you feeling uncomfortable if you’re standing out because of it.
4. Judging other people unkindly-when you succumb to this type of behavior, it will come back to bite you. You will look at the world negatively and expect to get that in return. And guess what? You will.
5. Too much: junk food, caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs- what do these have to do with confidence, you may ask? They keep your body out-of-balance, and that will affect your judgment, communication & the impression you make on people, and it won’t be a positive one.
Five Confidence Boosts
Last month I presented a workshop to Millennials, and got the chance to ask them what qualities they most wanted for themselves, when speaking in public. They all said “I want to feel confident.” Many of them labeled themselves as “introverts” and I finally had to ask why so many of them were doing so. That’s when they told me about the book Quiet, and where this trend comes from. So I made a note of it, and just finished the book. Here’s what I think:
My heart goes out to the many souls who find themselves expected to be “on” when they’d rather blend in. With ubiquitous recording devices (we were right-Big Brother is watching!) it can be unnerving to try to intuit how to simply “be.” To feel free of self-consciousness is a gift everyone deserves to have. It makes life much easier, not to mention much more pleasant.
Confidence can be created, nurtured and grown. I know this from personal experience, as well as professional observation. There are many tips for this, and here are my top five for today:
1) Speak well of yourself, to yourself. “Self-talk” is incredibly influential on our mood and energies. Negative inner thoughts will play out, as will positive ones. The key is to tune in to them and pay attention. Sometimes it can be way too easy to jump on a train wreck of mental images of what we don’t want to happen. The law of attraction doesn’t care what images and ideas we have…so if we can’t protect ourselves from toxic thoughts, no one else can. Be kind and supportive to yourself, first.
2) Give yourself enough time to arrive on time. Feeling rushed is a confidence killer; it throws you off your game and puts you in a reactive mode, instead of proactive. The control you’ll experience each time you arrive somewhere on time (or early) will help stabilize your inner energy and feed your sense of self.
3) Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back. Too much screen time has given many of us a hunch in our posture. When we stand up and unfurl ourselves, we open up the rib cage and give our lungs more room to breathe. Deep, diaphragmatic breaths are an effective way to ground the whole body and feel calm.
4) Unplug yourself before going to events. It’s better to begin to gather a sense of yourself, physically and mentally, well before you arrive at the door of your next event. Too often, we use the final minutes just before a meeting or a networking event to cram in one more email or text. Real time requires your attention and presence, where the online tasks can often wait. Give yourself the best support you can, so you’ll be able to make the most of your face time with people.
5) Eat whole foods that keep your blood-sugar even. It might not seem related, but how well-nourished we are or are not plays a big part in how we feel and how we come across. If we haven’t eaten well, we might get light-headed, lethargic and dull-feeling. That energy will send a certain message, that can only get in the way of feeling steady and stable. And always drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.