The other day, I decided to count the number of times I heard women apologizing in public, because I was hearing a pattern in the way women, in general, communicate. (disclaimer: here in NYC, though I suspect it’s ubiquitous)
Clearly, I already suspected that the count would be high, but I was stunned as the number rose so quickly.
The short bus ride into the city racked up eight “I’m sorry’s” in under five minutes.
“I’m sorry, is this the last stop?” “Sorry to bother you, can I sit here?” and then just plain “sorry” for handing the driver a $20. (By the way, it’s their job to make change.) The best was when the bus lurched, and I accidentally stepped on the woman behind me, and she apologized to me.
My next stop was a meeting of an all-female entrepreneurs group. Oh, the apologies were whistling around the conference room…prefacing questions with “I’m sorry” or coming in late and apologizing, getting up to leave and apologizing.
This has got to stop. Women do it far more often than men, and I just can’t see the point of it. It’s a reflex, said without literally meaning in, but conveying apology and regret just the same. For what? What are we really saying here? It might be construed as apologizing for merely existing, and is that really the message we want to send out to the world?
I think not. Save the words for when you truly mean them, and not as a disclaimer for opening your mouth in public. Our words have consequences, with the power to shape the future, so stop apologizing and start thinking about what you really want to say. It will change who you are, and strengthen your self-confidence.
