Last month I presented a workshop to Millennials, and got the chance to ask them what qualities they most wanted for themselves, when speaking in public. They all said “I want to feel confident.” Many of them labeled themselves as “introverts” and I finally had to ask why so many of them were doing so. That’s when they told me about the book Quiet, and where this trend comes from. So I made a note of it, and just finished the book. Here’s what I think:
My heart goes out to the many souls who find themselves expected to be “on” when they’d rather blend in. With ubiquitous recording devices (we were right-Big Brother is watching!) it can be unnerving to try to intuit how to simply “be.” To feel free of self-consciousness is a gift everyone deserves to have. It makes life much easier, not to mention much more pleasant.
Confidence can be created, nurtured and grown. I know this from personal experience, as well as professional observation. There are many tips for this, and here are my top five for today:
1) Speak well of yourself, to yourself. “Self-talk” is incredibly influential on our mood and energies. Negative inner thoughts will play out, as will positive ones. The key is to tune in to them and pay attention. Sometimes it can be way too easy to jump on a train wreck of mental images of what we don’t want to happen. The law of attraction doesn’t care what images and ideas we have…so if we can’t protect ourselves from toxic thoughts, no one else can. Be kind and supportive to yourself, first.
2) Give yourself enough time to arrive on time. Feeling rushed is a confidence killer; it throws you off your game and puts you in a reactive mode, instead of proactive. The control you’ll experience each time you arrive somewhere on time (or early) will help stabilize your inner energy and feed your sense of self.
3) Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back. Too much screen time has given many of us a hunch in our posture. When we stand up and unfurl ourselves, we open up the rib cage and give our lungs more room to breathe. Deep, diaphragmatic breaths are an effective way to ground the whole body and feel calm.
4) Unplug yourself before going to events. It’s better to begin to gather a sense of yourself, physically and mentally, well before you arrive at the door of your next event. Too often, we use the final minutes just before a meeting or a networking event to cram in one more email or text. Real time requires your attention and presence, where the online tasks can often wait. Give yourself the best support you can, so you’ll be able to make the most of your face time with people.
5) Eat whole foods that keep your blood-sugar even. It might not seem related, but how well-nourished we are or are not plays a big part in how we feel and how we come across. If we haven’t eaten well, we might get light-headed, lethargic and dull-feeling. That energy will send a certain message, that can only get in the way of feeling steady and stable. And always drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
